The feedback I received from my peer review was very helpful in creating a revision strategy. My biggest goal is to make my essay more personal. I think I do a good job analyzing both essays and creating my argument, but the information on how it connects to me is lacking. However, my biggest concern is about my word count. My rough draft was over the word count, so I will have to do so without going even more over. My plan to do this is to reread my essay and eliminate any unsuccessful repeated ideas, or ideas that lose their momentum as my essay goes on. Then, in its place, I want to include my audio narrative project, that way I can give include a specific example. I also want to add to my conclusion, and I think by including more personal connection, this will be easier to do.
I understand that ideas that I may think are repeated too much or underdeveloped thoughts may be more clear to me than the audience (or vice versa), so if I am challenged by this I plan on meeting with Emmy once again to get an audience’s opinion. She may also be able to help with finding things that I can cross out so the would count can decrease as well. Digi space is another tool I can use if I have any difficulties with including my audio file in the future.
Excellent. I hope that our Klinkinborg exercise can help you achieve your goal of avoiding repetition!